There are things in this life that no one can quite prepare you for. No amount of advice or mentorship can make you ready for your life as a young adult. In the past few years I have watched almost two dozen of my friends get married, seen both my younger brothers tie the knot in the last calendar year, and witnessed some of my best friends meet the women of their dreams and become husbands and fathers. I have watched friends go through heart break, some swear off relationship, watched some find themselves amongst it all and realize that they are completely and utterly satisfied with who they are, and then others fall so madly in love that they can't remember what life was like before and completely forget that they swore off the opposite sex or determined to live life alone.
I have watched as sonogram pictures on facebook have slowly begun to turn into tiny humans that look like my friends. I have also found it hard to find some of those same friends on facebook as their profile picture is now a little chubby cheeked smiling breath of new life that slightly resembles them and looks a little like something that I may have seen on the SciFi channel at 3am. (From what I have seen though, they pass through that stage fairly quickly) No one can really prepare you for when theses things happen. They will tell you that they are coming, but they can't really tell you what it is going to be like when it does or how you will react.
I was told that my friends would get married and have kids. I always knew too that I was going to watch it happen as I was on my own journey of discovering of what God was doing in my life. I have always gone a little against the grain. My friends and elders told me all these things would happen, but no one warned me that in my mid twenties I may never hear their voices again...
Set another place at the table
Write another name on the roll
Take down another robe
Shine up one more crown
Another child is Heaven bound
These words I have heard my mother sing at many funerals since my childhood. Today they ring and echo in my ears like church bells atop a mighty sanctuary. Since March I have seen three friends pass onto the next plane. All sudden.
When my grandfather passed a few years ago it was heartbreaking. He was a great man. I was incredibly blessed to know him and for the privilege to get to walk, talk, and know one of the greatest men that has ever graced this beautiful planet. He was one of my heros. It was hard to see him go, but we had known for some time that it was coming. He was well into his 80's and had an amazing and full life. Father to 5, grandfather to 14, great-grandfather to nearly 20 and husband to my grandmother for 65 years. I was with him the night before he died. He knew that I loved him. I made sure that he did.
I can't remember the last things that I said to Cory, Gary, and Jan. Knowing myself the way that I do it was either something caring and encouraging or completely smart-assed. I guess you can never know when it's going to be the last time. When you do find out it's stunning. Your heart stops and then begins to race. It's not the kind of stop and start that you get when that girl you can't take you eyes off of starts to walk up to you from across the room, or when you are standing side stage hoping the trophy they are holding up is for you, nor is it the rush that you get right before kick off or the stage lights come on. It's more like the movies. Suddenly you are in the first person perspective of the guy on the gurney who has overdosed. You're flat lined and all of a sudden, there is a beep, then another, then another. Your vision is blurred and you aren't in the place that you last remember. There are people all around you and as the camera comes back into focus and the world rushes in around you, your heart beings to throb so loudly that the once faint pitter-pater now becomes giant ground shaking thuds like the sound of giants rapidly hurling stones off a cliff. The faces of the people around you begin to change and unlike our hospital scene where you would hear George Clooney or McSteamy yell out "He's up, we've got him!" You feel the hand of a friend on you arm as your knees have gone weak and you are coming back to reality to the words "Are you okay?" Cory was a text message. Gary a phone call. Jan an email. Cory and Jan were both under 30.
My relationship with each was very different. Cory I didn't know incredibly well. We ran in the same circles and were friendly with one another. We really only met up to play music together. It's difficult to describe, but there is an incredible depth to those kinds of relationships. Imagine that you have a friend that you don't hang out with very often, but when you do, the only thing that you do, is what you both love the most in the world. Whether for you that is working camp, playing music, writing, studying history, diving, rock climbing, or just having conversation with someone who is like minded, it brings an indescribable depth to things. Cory was funny, talented, and free spirited. We talked about music and life and considered the relativities of truth as so many people in their early 20's do. A passenger with no seatbelt in a single car accident late at night. Cory went to be present with the Lord.
Gary was a mentor. To many he was a pain in the backside but to me the man was a legend. He taught me a lot about installing security systems, tried to teach me a lot about women (I didn't think my mother would take to kindly to most of his advice) and a great deal about how to treat people. Gary was in his 50's. Had a beautiful daughter who he told me "She needs a guy like you, handsome, fit, hard working, religious, smart, and just like 5 inches taller." Gary had seen great success and hit rough times but he never complained. He put his head down and powered through. His heart and persona were every bit as big as Texas. You never had to wonder how Gary felt about you, most of the time you didn't even have to ask, he would just let you know where y'all stood. "Lukie, you are just about everything that I don't like: you're young, you're cocky, you're good lookin', you're religious, but somehow you have weaseled your way into my heart. I might've even let you date my daughter, but you'd hafta tie coffee cans to the bottom of yer shoes so you'd be tall enough." My last day at work before I left for camp Gary called in sick. I never got to say goodbye. A distracted driver hit the car Gary was in and Gary left.
Jan was from Trinidad and was one of the few people on this planet that I think had more energy than I do. She was supposed to work camp with me in 2009 at Jenness Park. Somehow there was a giant, as we say back home "fuster cluck", with her immigration paperwork and she ended up not being able to come. Over the three months that I worked that summer Jan and I spoke on the phone a several times and chatted over facebook. She was a prayer warrior and was more encouraging than just about any human I have ever met. We spoke on the phone or chatted on Facebook every few months as we both journeyed and prayed for one another. She was on her way to becoming a radiologist and was attending college in Houston. We were going to have lunch when she came to Dallas this summer after I got back from Canada and catch up. She was an amazing warrior for the Gospel. She went to the hospital earlier this week and passed on from sudden organ failure. Jan had just turned 29.
Over the last few weeks I have watched from a safe distance as my beloved South has been pummeled with storms bringing tornados and destruction. My brother and sister-in-law had one pass them by in Dallas earlier this week and I watched as Twitter and Facebook alerted me that several of my friends were right in the middle of the storms and in the current wake of Joplin, MO my heart was in my stomach and my prayers more rapid than ever.
Life is wonderful, exciting, invigorating, scary, sad, beautiful, confusing and heartbreaking. It causes you to ask questions and wonder why things happen the way that they do. You never know when that last moment is going to be, for you or the ones you love.
A question that a dear friend once asked me has been violently invading my brian space.
What if, instead of living today like it was your last. You began to live it like it was everyone else's?
If you live life like it is your last day, doesn't it make it all about you? Don't you have a bucket list that you need to accomplish? Don't you want people to have great things to say about you? Don't you...?
What if we really began to live our life like it was the last day of the guy on the other side of the table, the lady in the next office, the dude on the phone, the girl you have your arm around, the punk who you are in a Facebook war with, or the annoying person who keepings leaving comments on your blog that you can't delete fast enough. What if we truly began to live like it was everyone else's last day, how would it change the legacy that we leave behind? What would you do differently, what would you say to them? Wouldn't you want them to know that you thought they were special, that they were great? Wouldn't you want to help or connect them with someone who could? Wouldn't you give more freely? Wouldn't you want them to know about Christ? Wouldn't you want to make sure that they knew they were loved?
Our next breath is never guaranteed to us, but our last one is. We will never be prepared for the death of the people who have impacted our lives. No matter how old or young. No matter how great or how small the impact. No matter what the last thing we said to them was, whether we remember it or not. Don't take for granted the friends and loved ones that you have nor the lives of those that may pose as annoyances. Each life is precious and we should treat them as such. Our life is temporary and yet our legacy could last forever. Love the people that you are with and begin to shape your legacy.
