Well...That's Not What I Expected. Now What?

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

I have started this blog half a hundred times and whether on paper or in my head they never quite turned out to be the way that I wanted them to. The heart of the matter was lost constantly in my own ramblings or perspective. Life is a difficult thing ladies and gentlemen. It is tough to swallow just how hard it is going to be at times. Life is never how we plan it. The world has this amazing way of changing without letting you know that it's going to. There is no preparation for it, no heads up, just a giant smack it in the face and suddenly the world is different. Nothing is the same and when you weren't ready for it, everything changed. In the last 6 months I have called 3 different countries home and been to nearly 10. Once conversation gets past my travels and ministry in Canada all the world seems to want the answer to one simple question: "What's next?". We are all waiting for the answer to that question.

In the past few months many of us have gone through change and are wrestling with the question of "What's next?" Some have come home, some have left home, lost jobs, watched people we love walk away from us, or pass on. We have seen people we looked up to fall from grace amidst rumors and police repots, others have watched leaders walk away without much explanation, and while many of these situations bring about an enormous amount of individual questions that are begging for answers they each lead to the simple question of "What's next?"

A bruised reed He will not break,

and a smoldering wick He will not snuff out.

In faithfulness He will bring forth justice;

Isaiah 42:3

In Isaiah 42 the prophet is describing the character of the Messiah that is to come. This verse speaks directly to the leadership and example that Christ would show us. Isaiah paints a beautiful picture of what Grace truly looks like. We are all bruised Whether it is from circumstance, happenstance, or our own foolishness not one of us is unscathed. We have come to points where our fire is almost out. Times when we were tiny smoldering wicks struggling to stay lit, sinking slowly, drowning in a pool of wax. It is encouraging to know that even in these times our Savior's character is not to break us or to snuff us out, but to bring forth justice. Yet we often do not think of justice the same way that God does. Justice does not always result in a prison sentence. More often than not, perfect justice results in redemption and restoration.

As I said I have started this blog several times and never quite been able to finish it. It always seemed to have a mind of its own. Reading back through old drafts I am glad that they were never published. They were written out of hurt, disappointment, and frustration. When someone that you really love walks away after you have poured yourself into them it can break your heart. When you see or hear something about someone that you looked up to or was put in a leadership position it can fill you with bitterness and contempt. You can allow yourself to become angry with those people and anyone who has any sort of commentary on the subject at hand. It's easy to lash out while wrapped up in emotion, and while any of the previous ideas for this post would have been entertaining, they would have missed the mark entirely. Our call is to emulate Christ and His character. In this instance it means simply to not break the bruised or snuff out those that are smoldering. This was the character of Christ. The very makeup and fiber of the being of the Messiah. The One in which God said He delighted and was well pleased. How I long to be described that way by God.

A great man once told me this: 'The Christian Army is the only army that shoots its own wounded."

We do. Plain and simple. Like a pack of hyenas we run to the scent of a fresh kill and tear to bits any piece we can sink our teeth into. We are called to a greater standard than this. Disappointment, frustration, and hurt are all pieces of our emotional structure. There is nothing wrong with any of these feelings. It is very normal to feel this way, but these emotions are not where our actions should stem from. J. Oswald Sanders wrote "Many who fail wear the tread marks of fellow pilgrims" As Christians we shouldn't be trampling on the weak and failing. We should be mending bruises and fanning the weak spirits into flames. This included those who have fallen from grace. We often seek out ministries that are more rewarding and or make better use of our talents than standing in the gap for the frail side of humanity. God has called us to reclaim the world's downtrodden. Peter, the rock on which Christ chose to build His church, once denied Christ 3 times in a single evening, and yet at the day of Pentecost he stood boldly and preached with a fire that raged.

The God we serve does not does not rejoice when a leader falls from grace or someone walks away from the church. He does not administer an "I told you so" or place blame or see it as an opportunity to gossip and speculate about what may or may not have been the cause of their downfall. Nor does He get excited at the thought of us doing any of those things. We were created in His image. What would make us think that He doesn't experience the same emotions we do? Yet as He watched some of His children fall and leave, He must also watch others celebrate the demise of those that have fallen or left.

None of us would be where we are today if it weren't for people willing to stand in the gap and hold the rope for us. I have had to have accountability in several areas of my life. If it weren't for godly men and women willing to pick me up when I fell I would not be the person that I am today. When I tripped in my spiritual journey I was blessed to have people around me to lean on and prop me back up and walk with me. I do recognize that not everything is this easily remedied. Christianity has been marred by leaders who have been given immense platforms and committed both very public and disgusting acts. Please don't misunderstand this as a post stating that we should condone or overlook that. I believe that some decisions we make should be met with extremely difficult consequences. 1 Peter 2:13-17 clearly states that we should obey the laws of the land and that the punishments should be left to those that govern. I am merely calling our attention back to the example that has been set before us. Not to condemn and cast judgement, but to desire redemption and restoration.

Sometimes the best way of figuring out what is going to happen a week, a month, a year from now is to decide what is going to happen in five minutes, you can waste hours stressing about what is going to happen in the future or you can begin to shape it by doing something.

Pray for the people God has put in leadership. They are not often given opportunities to make easy decisions. Realize that they are often closer to these situations than we are and that they may have been dealing with them long before we ever knew they existed. Despite the office or title they hold, they are not immune to the same emotions that we experience, in many cases their hurts are deeper than our own. Their jobs are generally thankless and difficult. Those in the church and outside of it, in the spotlight or behind the scenes, they need our prayers and support equally. Those who have been chosen to govern do not carry an easy burden.

Forgive those whom you feel have failed, disappointed, or wronged you and pray for them. Forgiveness can be a difficult process. You may find it beneficial to seek out someone to help walk with you through the process of forgiveness. I have had to do this a few times. Hurt, anger and disappointment are difficult to let go of, because they are very personal, but it is essential for your own personal healing and growth. Life is too short to hold grudges, trust me.

"What's Next?"

Christ put it this way in Matthew 6:25-34

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I till you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you-you of little faith? So do not worry saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

The answer to the question of "What's Next?" sits firmly in the palms of your hands. I was looking over an old song book that I started a few years ago and came across this lyric.

Lord give me the strength just for today

And I'll ask you tomorrow for only the same

We were created to live passionately, to be daring and adventurous! Our call as Christians is to seek first the Kingdom, to mend those that are bruised and fan the smoldering flames, to love, to be kind, joyful, peaceful, patient, good, gentle, faithful and have self control. When we do this we are promised great things. Christ came and gave us a life that is meant to be lived to the fullest!(John 10:10).

Time is wasting.

Set Another Place At The Table

There are things in this life that no one can quite prepare you for. No amount of advice or mentorship can make you ready for your life as a young adult. In the past few years I have watched almost two dozen of my friends get married, seen both my younger brothers tie the knot in the last calendar year, and witnessed some of my best friends meet the women of their dreams and become husbands and fathers. I have watched friends go through heart break, some swear off relationship, watched some find themselves amongst it all and realize that they are completely and utterly satisfied with who they are, and then others fall so madly in love that they can't remember what life was like before and completely forget that they swore off the opposite sex or determined to live life alone.

I have watched as sonogram pictures on facebook have slowly begun to turn into tiny humans that look like my friends. I have also found it hard to find some of those same friends on facebook as their profile picture is now a little chubby cheeked smiling breath of new life that slightly resembles them and looks a little like something that I may have seen on the SciFi channel at 3am. (From what I have seen though, they pass through that stage fairly quickly) No one can really prepare you for when theses things happen. They will tell you that they are coming, but they can't really tell you what it is going to be like when it does or how you will react.

I was told that my friends would get married and have kids. I always knew too that I was going to watch it happen as I was on my own journey of discovering of what God was doing in my life. I have always gone a little against the grain. My friends and elders told me all these things would happen, but no one warned me that in my mid twenties I may never hear their voices again...

Set another place at the table

Write another name on the roll

Take down another robe

Shine up one more crown

Another child is Heaven bound

These words I have heard my mother sing at many funerals since my childhood. Today they ring and echo in my ears like church bells atop a mighty sanctuary. Since March I have seen three friends pass onto the next plane. All sudden.

When my grandfather passed a few years ago it was heartbreaking. He was a great man. I was incredibly blessed to know him and for the privilege to get to walk, talk, and know one of the greatest men that has ever graced this beautiful planet. He was one of my heros. It was hard to see him go, but we had known for some time that it was coming. He was well into his 80's and had an amazing and full life. Father to 5, grandfather to 14, great-grandfather to nearly 20 and husband to my grandmother for 65 years. I was with him the night before he died. He knew that I loved him. I made sure that he did.

I can't remember the last things that I said to Cory, Gary, and Jan. Knowing myself the way that I do it was either something caring and encouraging or completely smart-assed. I guess you can never know when it's going to be the last time. When you do find out it's stunning. Your heart stops and then begins to race. It's not the kind of stop and start that you get when that girl you can't take you eyes off of starts to walk up to you from across the room, or when you are standing side stage hoping the trophy they are holding up is for you, nor is it the rush that you get right before kick off or the stage lights come on. It's more like the movies. Suddenly you are in the first person perspective of the guy on the gurney who has overdosed. You're flat lined and all of a sudden, there is a beep, then another, then another. Your vision is blurred and you aren't in the place that you last remember. There are people all around you and as the camera comes back into focus and the world rushes in around you, your heart beings to throb so loudly that the once faint pitter-pater now becomes giant ground shaking thuds like the sound of giants rapidly hurling stones off a cliff. The faces of the people around you begin to change and unlike our hospital scene where you would hear George Clooney or McSteamy yell out "He's up, we've got him!" You feel the hand of a friend on you arm as your knees have gone weak and you are coming back to reality to the words "Are you okay?" Cory was a text message. Gary a phone call. Jan an email. Cory and Jan were both under 30.

My relationship with each was very different. Cory I didn't know incredibly well. We ran in the same circles and were friendly with one another. We really only met up to play music together. It's difficult to describe, but there is an incredible depth to those kinds of relationships. Imagine that you have a friend that you don't hang out with very often, but when you do, the only thing that you do, is what you both love the most in the world. Whether for you that is working camp, playing music, writing, studying history, diving, rock climbing, or just having conversation with someone who is like minded, it brings an indescribable depth to things. Cory was funny, talented, and free spirited. We talked about music and life and considered the relativities of truth as so many people in their early 20's do. A passenger with no seatbelt in a single car accident late at night. Cory went to be present with the Lord.

Gary was a mentor. To many he was a pain in the backside but to me the man was a legend. He taught me a lot about installing security systems, tried to teach me a lot about women (I didn't think my mother would take to kindly to most of his advice) and a great deal about how to treat people. Gary was in his 50's. Had a beautiful daughter who he told me "She needs a guy like you, handsome, fit, hard working, religious, smart, and just like 5 inches taller." Gary had seen great success and hit rough times but he never complained. He put his head down and powered through. His heart and persona were every bit as big as Texas. You never had to wonder how Gary felt about you, most of the time you didn't even have to ask, he would just let you know where y'all stood. "Lukie, you are just about everything that I don't like: you're young, you're cocky, you're good lookin', you're religious, but somehow you have weaseled your way into my heart. I might've even let you date my daughter, but you'd hafta tie coffee cans to the bottom of yer shoes so you'd be tall enough." My last day at work before I left for camp Gary called in sick. I never got to say goodbye. A distracted driver hit the car Gary was in and Gary left.

Jan was from Trinidad and was one of the few people on this planet that I think had more energy than I do. She was supposed to work camp with me in 2009 at Jenness Park. Somehow there was a giant, as we say back home "fuster cluck", with her immigration paperwork and she ended up not being able to come. Over the three months that I worked that summer Jan and I spoke on the phone a several times and chatted over facebook. She was a prayer warrior and was more encouraging than just about any human I have ever met. We spoke on the phone or chatted on Facebook every few months as we both journeyed and prayed for one another. She was on her way to becoming a radiologist and was attending college in Houston. We were going to have lunch when she came to Dallas this summer after I got back from Canada and catch up. She was an amazing warrior for the Gospel. She went to the hospital earlier this week and passed on from sudden organ failure. Jan had just turned 29.

Over the last few weeks I have watched from a safe distance as my beloved South has been pummeled with storms bringing tornados and destruction. My brother and sister-in-law had one pass them by in Dallas earlier this week and I watched as Twitter and Facebook alerted me that several of my friends were right in the middle of the storms and in the current wake of Joplin, MO my heart was in my stomach and my prayers more rapid than ever.

Life is wonderful, exciting, invigorating, scary, sad, beautiful, confusing and heartbreaking. It causes you to ask questions and wonder why things happen the way that they do. You never know when that last moment is going to be, for you or the ones you love.

A question that a dear friend once asked me has been violently invading my brian space.

What if, instead of living today like it was your last. You began to live it like it was everyone else's?

If you live life like it is your last day, doesn't it make it all about you? Don't you have a bucket list that you need to accomplish? Don't you want people to have great things to say about you? Don't you...?

What if we really began to live our life like it was the last day of the guy on the other side of the table, the lady in the next office, the dude on the phone, the girl you have your arm around, the punk who you are in a Facebook war with, or the annoying person who keepings leaving comments on your blog that you can't delete fast enough. What if we truly began to live like it was everyone else's last day, how would it change the legacy that we leave behind? What would you do differently, what would you say to them? Wouldn't you want them to know that you thought they were special, that they were great? Wouldn't you want to help or connect them with someone who could? Wouldn't you give more freely? Wouldn't you want them to know about Christ? Wouldn't you want to make sure that they knew they were loved?

Our next breath is never guaranteed to us, but our last one is. We will never be prepared for the death of the people who have impacted our lives. No matter how old or young. No matter how great or how small the impact. No matter what the last thing we said to them was, whether we remember it or not. Don't take for granted the friends and loved ones that you have nor the lives of those that may pose as annoyances. Each life is precious and we should treat them as such. Our life is temporary and yet our legacy could last forever. Love the people that you are with and begin to shape your legacy.

You're Worth It, Dispelling the Lies of Inadequacy

This is a sermon that I preached at Plunge on May 1, 2011.

LOVE

This is the sermon that I preached at Plunge on Sunday night. I hope that you enjoy it. Leave a comment and let me know what you think

Generation Whine

"We are a chosen generation..."

The words sung by Chris Tomlin have followed me like an unwelcome spirit as I have left the Passion conference a few weeks ago. "Chosen" for what? And really THIS generation? My Generation?

Generation Y. We, as all the generations before us, will be defined by our actions and the legacy that we leave to those after us. The Great Generation lead us out of the Great World Wars. They conquered one of the greatest terrors this world has known. The Baby Boomers went to outer space. Generation X lived the Cold War, the Vietnam War and ushered in a new movement of counter culture. MTV and the rise of mass media are to their credit. But what of us? What legacy are we leaving? What is to be said of us?

As Generation X'er begin to enter into their senior years we enter our 20s and 30s. Generation Y is known as a generation of idealist who are too overcome to move. Slothful, lazy, disinterested and apathetic. We are known as a generation of whiners. Our parents and grandparents tell us that we don't know how good we have it. What do we have to complain about? Information is at our finger tips at any given moment. Any desire we have, excitement, adventure, relationship, intimacy, can be met at any given moment with a few key strokes. We close the doors, turn out the lights and disappear into our computers. 

We meet in coffee houses and churches and pubs and we see what the world is becoming and we despise it. We look at what the generations before us have left us and we are disgusted at their wars and their greed. We vow that we are going to be different, that we will be the ones to right the wrongs of those that have come before us. We plan and we strategize and in a matter of hours a group of us has solved world hunger, we have found a way to give every child in Africa a pair of shoes and healthcare, we've fixed broken political systems and found a way to put a Bible in the hands of every village in the world, but as soon as we step out of the coffee shop all of our ideas vanish. They disappear like a snuffed flame and as the smoke dissipates, carried off by the wind, so our solutions dematerialize. The moment we step outside of the comfort of the coffee shop we are overwhelmed by the enormity of the world and suffer instant defeat. We are better than this. 

What if you truly believed that the person you see in the mirror could accomplish the dreams of your heart and mind?

How would that change the way we lived? What do we have to do to make that happen? As a generation we have to become finishers. We are wonderful at creating ideas and when we are put in large groups we can be inspired and motivated to do amazing things. The Passion conference in Atlanta raised $1.1 Million over double the $470,000 that was the goal. We are capable of extraordinary things, but we consistently settle for less. 

"If only I had an enemy greater than my apathy I could have won"
-Mumford and Sons "I Gave You All"

What if we believed that God could move in us to do greater things than we could imagine (Eph 3:20)  That we are more than conquerors (Rom 8:37) That we were not given a timid spirit, but one of power (2 Tim 1:7) There are people all around us who are doing extraordinary things. Which one of us is going to be the next Larry Jones (Feed the Children) or Blake Mycoskie (Toms shoes) or Louie Giglio (Passion)? Which one of us is going to be the next one to rise to the occasion and make a difference?

What happens when we believe that we can accomplish something bigger than ourselves? Extraordinary things. We are a chosen generation. We each have things that have been put in our hearts that fire us up. Those things were not put there purposelessly. Not all of us are meant to be revolutionaries, but none of us are called to be dormant.

My best friend from home, Danley, is a great man. He inspires me, encourages me, and I could not be more proud of him. God has used him in amazing ways in my life. We have gone through the awkwardness of our early twenties together. When Danley and I met we were frustrated with everything in our lives. Neither of us wanted to have anything to do with another human and somehow, two guys  whose pictures were next to jerk in the dictionary (ask our friends from that time they will tell you no different), became friends. Danley is an awesome guitar player. He is also now a great husband to his wonderful wife and I am having the privilege of watching him become a great father to his son. Danley is passionate about worship, has been since I have met him. He knows that God has given him a talent and though he isn't touring the world, he takes the opportunities that he is given to do what he is passionate about. He loves it and watching him play you know that this is what he was created to do. There are some of us that are called to go to foreign countries, some to start movements, some to preach, some to be the Sunday morning lead guitarist, some of us are called to help organize the church directories, teach sunday school, or watch some toddlers so that a family can worship together. The point is no matter what it is that lights that fire in us we have to start doing it.

We are given opportunities throughout our lives to do the things we are the most passionate about. They may last lifetimes or only moments, but we, as a generation, can no longer sit idly and watch them go by. We were called to be doers. To be warriors. To be strong and courageous. We are called to live lives that are manifestations of the spirit that lives within us. It is time that we started to do it.

What if you truly believed that the person you saw in the mirror could accomplish the dreams of your heart and mind?

Choose to believe it and show us what God is capable of through you.

Thinking back. Looking forward. Living now.

There have been several times where I have sat down to write my next blog entry. Each one filled with anticipation as I look to put my thoughts and heart on the internet to let everyone know what is really going on in my life. Reflecting on those posts that never made it, I am glad that they are stuck in a cyberspace time capsule. This blog will be getting a lot more action as the year continues on, but for now I think a good update is the best bet.

Life has changed. There is really no other way to put it. No flattering way to dress it up or make it sound like anything other than what it is. Life has changed, and so have I. I've been uprooted from the place that I have always called home to a place where temperatures (we're supposed to hit -50C tonight with the wind chill), life, and priorities are drastically different. I have gone over some of the more subtle cultural differences in some of my other posts, but I think that I have finally, truly begun to settle down and be me again. A journey which was a bit harder than I thought.

Sarah gave me a copy of a devotional book called "Streams in the Desert" in my first "care package" that I received. Today was talking about looking at sorrow as opportunity. I was instantly reminded of a Winston Churchill quote "A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." I came to Canada wide eyed and bushy tailed, but within a few weeks I had begun to do something that I am not sure that I have ever really done before and most definitely not to the extent that it happened here...I began to feel sorry for myself. It threw me totally off. I was stuck in this weird mental and emotional spot where not only could I not properly reason how to get out of this funk. I didn't even realize that the cause of it was probably me having a good ole Eeyore  "whoa is me, where is my tail, oh bother" pity party and to be perfectly honest I should have sent out more invitations, because you all would have loved it! It was a party to end all parties! It lasted for months! Sitting where I am now I can reflect back and see where I have sucked life out of some of my friendships and missed many opportunities as I tried to reconcile what it was that holding me back. A harsh but true reality.

I got the opportunity to go the Passion conference in Atlanta, Georgia during the Christmas break, as I was home visiting family and friends in God's Country (aka Texas) and the rest of the USA. Louie Giglio spoke the first night about being fully where you are. Passionately being where you are. This, for me was not a new message as I have heard it several times since I have been here, yet it struck me differently. I cannot tell you exactly why, but it did. Maybe it was hearing it from a voice that was unattached to me or maybe it was just because I found myself in a setting where I wasn't worried about being stubborn and having to stand my ground. Who knows. God moved in me during those four days and He began to remind me of the work that He had started. My perspectives began to change, and though they weren't new (in fact they were going back to a place they had been just months before) they still had to be changed.

My dad and I have a great relationship and as I have gotten older it has morphed into a great friendship. While we were taking an afternoon drive, I, eager to share what God was doing in my life and finding that I had a captive audience, explained to him how my eyes had been opened at Passion. What he said in response stuck with me.

"You have to be fully where you are that is true. Beware that you do not fall into the trap of setting anchors in places. Anchors are meant keep you from moving. They are only there to tie you down and pull you back to where you were. They can be places, or people or jobs, whatever they are they will always keep you tethered and the more you set the less you are able to move. You will never reach your destination. It is better to set buoys (that is such a weird looking word). Buoys are meant to guide you and direct you. You can always return to the buoys and each time you do they will help to guide you. They will mark the dangers on your path and help lead you to the next destination on your journey. You can't try and be in 50 places at once with anchors everywhere or you'll never get anywhere. You have to be free to go and explore."

It hit me hard. And suddenly the ever dimming light bulb in my head flickered on terrifying the cockroaches that had taken residence there and forcing them to flee. Thanks dad.

Upon arriving back home a few days after Passion my family was in full wedding prep mode. My youngest brother was getting married (both younger brothers have now tied the knot) The wedding was great and I am happy for Thomas and his new bride Danielle. The wedding was on a Saturday and the next day I said good bye to too many people. Sarah had flown down as she was also back in the States for the holidays. Taking her to the airport at 5am in the rain had all the makings of a Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movie. I had half a mind to break through the TSA barrier grab her and just escape to Aruba (I hear it's super nice), but the thought of the ensuing man hunt and what might happen if her mother, who is a lovely Christian woman that I respect tremendously, got her hands on me was enough to make me just stand and watch as she moved through security and slowly out of sight. The 200yd walk in the cold rain back to the car felt like a scene from a sappy music video, complete with me longingly looking back at the doors to the airport. I think I finally understand why Yeti (my 2 year old Akita) whimpers when I leave. It's hard to see someone you love go when you're unsure of when you will see them again. Thomas and Danielle then left on their honeymoon. Matt (the other married younger brother) and Autumn left to go back home a few hours away. Finally the wee baby girl walked out the door as the sunset, on her way back to college.

I shared my last two days in Texas (that word looks super awesome!) with my parents and one of my best friends James, who was stuck in Dallas due to snow (Dallas snow is nothing like real snow). Said my last good byes and headed back to Minneapolis, MN. Once I hit the ground I hopped the shuttle to my truck, started her up and began the 6 hour drive back home to Thunder Bay. I have been back for almost two weeks and I am more here now than I have ever been. (Que triumphant music) Here in this city there are boundless opportunities for Life, Passion, and Adventure. I think back to all the things that I missed because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself or trying to hold on to something that I just needed to let go of. But, I can't dwell on the opportunities that I may have missed, nor can I look too far down the road wondering what may lie ahead. Instead I must live in the now, making the most of every opportunity (Eph 5:16).

We have seen some amazing things happening in our church since the start of the new year and we are believing that there are many more amazing things to come. Our student ministry program is beginning to really begin to gain momentum and start to grow. Please join with us in praying that God continues the work he is doing here. I promise to be much more diligent in updating this blog for 2011. Thank you for all your continued love and support, y'all are awesome.

Pookie

The logical progression of lunacy

It's been a few days since I have done one of these and my how quickly life changes. It's like when you let someone borrow your car and get back into it for the first time. You know your vehicle well, you may even love it, and when you step into it, back into that familiar setting where you spend hours of your life (some of seem to live in our vehicles) it's not the same. The steering wheel isn't the right height, the seat is either too close to the pedals where it feels like you're knees are so close to your chest that you may not get another breath, or too far away making you feel a little helpless. The cup holders are left out, when you would have shut them. The emergency break isn't set right or IS set and when you get ready to take off your car resists as the smell of grinding and burning something or others fills the air around you. That little flip on the bottom of the rear view mirror is turned the wrong direction and the mirror seems like it was set for someone who is forty-eleven-thousand feet tall (it's a real number ask my grandmother and if you say it isn't you better be ready to duck for cover) and not at all for you. It's your place and often we view our cars and trucks as extensions of ourselves and yet somehow it feels like nothing is what it is supposed to be, you feel a bit lost or frustrated, even anxious. So it is with change in our lives. As slowly we being to readjust the mirrors and seats, push the cup holders closed again, shake our head at the unset E-brake, bring the steering wheel back to that perfect driving height, take a deep breath and start the engine, because no matter how weird it is that everything in our space was just dumped on its side and turned around we have somewhere to go, there are people depending on us, or maybe we just have something to prove to ourselves so, we suck it up and push through.

I feel many days like I have stepped into a life that someone else borrowed. I am often having to readjust things and find ways to once again become comfortable within my own situations, which can be anything from the places I am at to relationships back home and how they have changed as it seems that distance can become a strain on any relationship no matter how strong or deeply rooted they are. I have been assured that these moments will pass and while that assurance may one day be comforting, today, having heard it over and over, it is obnoxious and sounds like clanging symbols in my ears. My friends and family are dear to me and the thought that they are hurt by the lack of communication or the thought that I have in some way replaced or forgotten about them is a painful pill to swallow.International communication at least on this continent, is difficult to juggle, I can no longer just make a call home on the drive to work. It's hard to adjust to as many of you know that I am constantly on the phone whenever I am doing something and I am almost always going or doing something. I hope you all know that you are loved and hold a special place in my heart, I would never do anything that I thought might hurt you and you all mean more to me than you will ever know.

These next few weeks are going to be full of things to do at the church. Retreat after retreat is happening and though it may have a title that would imply that it is going to be all fun and games, retreats are a remarkable amount of work for those of us involved. It started with our staff retreat which we just got back from, will progress to the Shift (Jr. High) retreat from Friday to Sunday, then a couple of days off and into the wilderness we go for the men's retreat, which will be, from what I understand, on an island in the middle of a lake 100s of miles from anything civil. I am actually looking forward to the temporary escape from the internet and cell phones. It will be nice to not have to worry about answering emails and whether or not I should post something on Facebook for an event we are doing. The next few days will be challenging and I will need your prayers to have the strength to make it through.

Life here as a whole has been great. I am finally settling in and starting to call this place home. The two guys who live in the basement with me are awesome. Paul, the Irishman, many of you have heard me talk about him and Sean, who is a student at Lakehead University, a mighty handsome man, and quite available ladies...It makes me feel more at home having two guys with which I can share theories, bad ideas, and the occasional joke that may tip toe over the line of appropriateness, but quickly jumps back before anyone notices. The ministry here is unique and I will be excited to see how well it can be implemented back in the States. God is challenging and shaping me in many ways, it's exciting and difficult at times but worth every second and ounce of energy that it takes to power through. It is all a part of the growing process and I know that right now I am being constantly refined, as painful as that may be at times. A quote from the good Doc Swanson comes to mind as he was imparting wisdom to me at Guitar Center (I do know how oxymoronic that sounds) "Pookie, you gotta find a way to take the things that you are crappy at and not suck at them. If you really wanna get to the next level that is what you're gonna have to do. Now seriously next time make sure you zoom in and push Right Trigger twice, you noob" I finally got the hang of Splinter Cell that night and I am sure that advice has its applications in the real world. Thanks Doc.

I ask for prayer and patience from you all. Adjusting to a new way of life has not been an easy process. Pray that I have the strength, courage, and serenity to do the things that I need to do here in Thunder Bay. Pray also that I am able to do those things with excellence. I love and miss you all very much. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Pookie