It's been a few days since I have done one of these and my how quickly life changes. It's like when you let someone borrow your car and get back into it for the first time. You know your vehicle well, you may even love it, and when you step into it, back into that familiar setting where you spend hours of your life (some of seem to live in our vehicles) it's not the same. The steering wheel isn't the right height, the seat is either too close to the pedals where it feels like you're knees are so close to your chest that you may not get another breath, or too far away making you feel a little helpless. The cup holders are left out, when you would have shut them. The emergency break isn't set right or IS set and when you get ready to take off your car resists as the smell of grinding and burning something or others fills the air around you. That little flip on the bottom of the rear view mirror is turned the wrong direction and the mirror seems like it was set for someone who is forty-eleven-thousand feet tall (it's a real number ask my grandmother and if you say it isn't you better be ready to duck for cover) and not at all for you. It's your place and often we view our cars and trucks as extensions of ourselves and yet somehow it feels like nothing is what it is supposed to be, you feel a bit lost or frustrated, even anxious. So it is with change in our lives. As slowly we being to readjust the mirrors and seats, push the cup holders closed again, shake our head at the unset E-brake, bring the steering wheel back to that perfect driving height, take a deep breath and start the engine, because no matter how weird it is that everything in our space was just dumped on its side and turned around we have somewhere to go, there are people depending on us, or maybe we just have something to prove to ourselves so, we suck it up and push through.
I feel many days like I have stepped into a life that someone else borrowed. I am often having to readjust things and find ways to once again become comfortable within my own situations, which can be anything from the places I am at to relationships back home and how they have changed as it seems that distance can become a strain on any relationship no matter how strong or deeply rooted they are. I have been assured that these moments will pass and while that assurance may one day be comforting, today, having heard it over and over, it is obnoxious and sounds like clanging symbols in my ears. My friends and family are dear to me and the thought that they are hurt by the lack of communication or the thought that I have in some way replaced or forgotten about them is a painful pill to swallow.International communication at least on this continent, is difficult to juggle, I can no longer just make a call home on the drive to work. It's hard to adjust to as many of you know that I am constantly on the phone whenever I am doing something and I am almost always going or doing something. I hope you all know that you are loved and hold a special place in my heart, I would never do anything that I thought might hurt you and you all mean more to me than you will ever know.
These next few weeks are going to be full of things to do at the church. Retreat after retreat is happening and though it may have a title that would imply that it is going to be all fun and games, retreats are a remarkable amount of work for those of us involved. It started with our staff retreat which we just got back from, will progress to the Shift (Jr. High) retreat from Friday to Sunday, then a couple of days off and into the wilderness we go for the men's retreat, which will be, from what I understand, on an island in the middle of a lake 100s of miles from anything civil. I am actually looking forward to the temporary escape from the internet and cell phones. It will be nice to not have to worry about answering emails and whether or not I should post something on Facebook for an event we are doing. The next few days will be challenging and I will need your prayers to have the strength to make it through.
Life here as a whole has been great. I am finally settling in and starting to call this place home. The two guys who live in the basement with me are awesome. Paul, the Irishman, many of you have heard me talk about him and Sean, who is a student at Lakehead University, a mighty handsome man, and quite available ladies...It makes me feel more at home having two guys with which I can share theories, bad ideas, and the occasional joke that may tip toe over the line of appropriateness, but quickly jumps back before anyone notices. The ministry here is unique and I will be excited to see how well it can be implemented back in the States. God is challenging and shaping me in many ways, it's exciting and difficult at times but worth every second and ounce of energy that it takes to power through. It is all a part of the growing process and I know that right now I am being constantly refined, as painful as that may be at times. A quote from the good Doc Swanson comes to mind as he was imparting wisdom to me at Guitar Center (I do know how oxymoronic that sounds) "Pookie, you gotta find a way to take the things that you are crappy at and not suck at them. If you really wanna get to the next level that is what you're gonna have to do. Now seriously next time make sure you zoom in and push Right Trigger twice, you noob" I finally got the hang of Splinter Cell that night and I am sure that advice has its applications in the real world. Thanks Doc.
I ask for prayer and patience from you all. Adjusting to a new way of life has not been an easy process. Pray that I have the strength, courage, and serenity to do the things that I need to do here in Thunder Bay. Pray also that I am able to do those things with excellence. I love and miss you all very much. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Pookie
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