There have been several times where I have sat down to write my next blog entry. Each one filled with anticipation as I look to put my thoughts and heart on the internet to let everyone know what is really going on in my life. Reflecting on those posts that never made it, I am glad that they are stuck in a cyberspace time capsule. This blog will be getting a lot more action as the year continues on, but for now I think a good update is the best bet.
Life has changed. There is really no other way to put it. No flattering way to dress it up or make it sound like anything other than what it is. Life has changed, and so have I. I've been uprooted from the place that I have always called home to a place where temperatures (we're supposed to hit -50C tonight with the wind chill), life, and priorities are drastically different. I have gone over some of the more subtle cultural differences in some of my other posts, but I think that I have finally, truly begun to settle down and be me again. A journey which was a bit harder than I thought.
Sarah gave me a copy of a devotional book called "Streams in the Desert" in my first "care package" that I received. Today was talking about looking at sorrow as opportunity. I was instantly reminded of a Winston Churchill quote "A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." I came to Canada wide eyed and bushy tailed, but within a few weeks I had begun to do something that I am not sure that I have ever really done before and most definitely not to the extent that it happened here...I began to feel sorry for myself. It threw me totally off. I was stuck in this weird mental and emotional spot where not only could I not properly reason how to get out of this funk. I didn't even realize that the cause of it was probably me having a good ole Eeyore "whoa is me, where is my tail, oh bother" pity party and to be perfectly honest I should have sent out more invitations, because you all would have loved it! It was a party to end all parties! It lasted for months! Sitting where I am now I can reflect back and see where I have sucked life out of some of my friendships and missed many opportunities as I tried to reconcile what it was that holding me back. A harsh but true reality.
I got the opportunity to go the Passion conference in Atlanta, Georgia during the Christmas break, as I was home visiting family and friends in God's Country (aka Texas) and the rest of the USA. Louie Giglio spoke the first night about being fully where you are. Passionately being where you are. This, for me was not a new message as I have heard it several times since I have been here, yet it struck me differently. I cannot tell you exactly why, but it did. Maybe it was hearing it from a voice that was unattached to me or maybe it was just because I found myself in a setting where I wasn't worried about being stubborn and having to stand my ground. Who knows. God moved in me during those four days and He began to remind me of the work that He had started. My perspectives began to change, and though they weren't new (in fact they were going back to a place they had been just months before) they still had to be changed.
My dad and I have a great relationship and as I have gotten older it has morphed into a great friendship. While we were taking an afternoon drive, I, eager to share what God was doing in my life and finding that I had a captive audience, explained to him how my eyes had been opened at Passion. What he said in response stuck with me.
"You have to be fully where you are that is true. Beware that you do not fall into the trap of setting anchors in places. Anchors are meant keep you from moving. They are only there to tie you down and pull you back to where you were. They can be places, or people or jobs, whatever they are they will always keep you tethered and the more you set the less you are able to move. You will never reach your destination. It is better to set buoys (that is such a weird looking word). Buoys are meant to guide you and direct you. You can always return to the buoys and each time you do they will help to guide you. They will mark the dangers on your path and help lead you to the next destination on your journey. You can't try and be in 50 places at once with anchors everywhere or you'll never get anywhere. You have to be free to go and explore."
It hit me hard. And suddenly the ever dimming light bulb in my head flickered on terrifying the cockroaches that had taken residence there and forcing them to flee. Thanks dad.
Upon arriving back home a few days after Passion my family was in full wedding prep mode. My youngest brother was getting married (both younger brothers have now tied the knot) The wedding was great and I am happy for Thomas and his new bride Danielle. The wedding was on a Saturday and the next day I said good bye to too many people. Sarah had flown down as she was also back in the States for the holidays. Taking her to the airport at 5am in the rain had all the makings of a Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movie. I had half a mind to break through the TSA barrier grab her and just escape to Aruba (I hear it's super nice), but the thought of the ensuing man hunt and what might happen if her mother, who is a lovely Christian woman that I respect tremendously, got her hands on me was enough to make me just stand and watch as she moved through security and slowly out of sight. The 200yd walk in the cold rain back to the car felt like a scene from a sappy music video, complete with me longingly looking back at the doors to the airport. I think I finally understand why Yeti (my 2 year old Akita) whimpers when I leave. It's hard to see someone you love go when you're unsure of when you will see them again. Thomas and Danielle then left on their honeymoon. Matt (the other married younger brother) and Autumn left to go back home a few hours away. Finally the wee baby girl walked out the door as the sunset, on her way back to college.
I shared my last two days in Texas (that word looks super awesome!) with my parents and one of my best friends James, who was stuck in Dallas due to snow (Dallas snow is nothing like real snow). Said my last good byes and headed back to Minneapolis, MN. Once I hit the ground I hopped the shuttle to my truck, started her up and began the 6 hour drive back home to Thunder Bay. I have been back for almost two weeks and I am more here now than I have ever been. (Que triumphant music) Here in this city there are boundless opportunities for Life, Passion, and Adventure. I think back to all the things that I missed because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself or trying to hold on to something that I just needed to let go of. But, I can't dwell on the opportunities that I may have missed, nor can I look too far down the road wondering what may lie ahead. Instead I must live in the now, making the most of every opportunity (Eph 5:16).
We have seen some amazing things happening in our church since the start of the new year and we are believing that there are many more amazing things to come. Our student ministry program is beginning to really begin to gain momentum and start to grow. Please join with us in praying that God continues the work he is doing here. I promise to be much more diligent in updating this blog for 2011. Thank you for all your continued love and support, y'all are awesome.
Pookie
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